


Intimacy of the touch

by LazyCatLad



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff without Plot, M/M, Naked Cuddling, Panic Attacks, it's short and cute and really just there to bring some sunshine into our lives so why not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:14:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27351049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazyCatLad/pseuds/LazyCatLad
Summary: Sherlock and John are waking up in bed together, taking their sweet time to do nothing but cuddle for the first time in their relationship. It's soft and adorable, until Sherlock realizes.
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes & John Watson, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Comments: 6
Kudos: 96





	Intimacy of the touch

Sherlock looks at John and laughs. It's easy to do so: John looks hilarious as he nuzzles into Sherlock's armpit.

“Don't do that, I stink,” Sherlock whines, and he's sure he does. He hasn't taken a shower yet, and with what they've been up to last night, he must reek.

But John doesn't care, too happy to have that little bit of special time. No work, no appearances. Mrs Hudson is out of town, they have nothing to do until noon, and for once, Sherlock is properly resting.

“I'm not too heavy, am I?” John asks as he sprawls on top of Sherlock. But the other surrounds him with his long arms and legs, and goes to kiss his scalp.  
“Not at all,” Sherlock replies, because he knows that will drive John crazy. Maybe they'll get into a little bed wrestling, and to be frank, Sherlock isn't against it at all.

Soon, they're back to lazy kisses and slow touches. When they talk, they do it far too close to each other. Nothing can be understood from a couple of feet away, but they don't give a damn. They joke and giggle like children, test what it feels like to lick the other one's ear or scratch their hip. They taste their kisses like it's always new ones, and like it's always different somehow, and it is. It's not like last night, it's more than sexual. It's deciding to share their bodies in a completely new way.

The second Sherlock realizes how good it feels, though. That very moment, he starts feeling very hot.

“You alright?” John asks, concerned. He feels how heavy Sherlock's breathing is getting. At first he thinks he's just turned his boyfriend on, but now it doesn't seem right.

Sherlock tries to reply, but isn't able to.

“Sherlock? Sherlock, shit...” John stands up while Sherlock struggles on the mattress. He sits in a flash, tries to breathe as much as he can, but hyperventilates instead. He feels dizzy, he's pretty sure he's about to faint.

“Alright, easy, take it easy.” John has opened the window and let air in. He's gone to sit behind Sherlock, wrapped his arms around Sherlock's chest. Now he's pressing his fists against Sherlock's ribcage.

Sherlock feels his heart is forced to slow down. He starts to breathe deeper, pace getting back to normal. A minute later, he lays limp in John's arms, and John lets go of his grip.

______________________________________________________________________________

It takes a small nap, a tea and John getting showered and dressed for Sherlock to realize what happened. He's so embarrassed he doesn't speak, even as John sits on the bed next to him and watches him sip at his cup.

“Sherlock, it's fine,” John says, sighing. “Can happen to anyone.”  
“I don't get panic attacks,” Sherlock hisses. “I've been tortured. I jumped off a building. I almost swallowed poison without a second thought.”  
“And I congratulate you on none of that,” John replies with the charming sarcasm only he knows how to muster. “You're tough. There's no doubt about that fact. But the things that scare us aren't the same for everyone.”  
“I'm not scared of you.”  
“I know.”  
“Then what are you implying, that I'm scared of sex?” Sherlock frowns.  
“You didn't seem scared of sex last night, so no, that's not my conclusion,” John answers with a cheeky grin.

After a short, fond little silence, he leans in to give Sherlock's lips a short kiss. Sherlock reacts with a shiver and a blush. Inbetween love and fear. John sighs again.

“Nah, I don't think you're scared of sex.”  
“Then what? What is it?”  
“Have you ever been with someone before me?”

Sherlock turns quiet. He dodges:

“I've had sex before, yes.”  
“That's not what I'm asking.”

Ah. Sherlock puts his teacup aside. He scratches his arm, looks down, feeling and looking very small. He doesn't know how to talk about this. What is there to say?

“Then, no,” he mutters. Of course not. How could he be with anyone? “I mean... There was someone, yes, a long time ago. Didn't end well. We were together for a year, but it feels like another lifetime. I was a very different person, then.”  
“... Different, how?”  
“Younger. More naive, less... Detached.”

John stays silent for a little bit. He tries to think of the right thing to say, but there isn't much he can do, can he? This is Sherlock's journey, and even if John can be there for him, he can't guide him through it.

He takes Sherlock's hand in the most gentle, careful way he can. He grazes it with his fingers, until Sherlock starts moving on his own. They trace each other's shape, like they're learning to see with their touch. When they finally lay their palms together, John talks again:

“I know how hard it can be. To let someone close,” he says. “I don't know how hard it is for you, but I understand this has nothing to do with me personally.”  
“... You do?” Sherlock asks, surprised.  
“Yeah, of course. I just want you to know that...” He inhales, like he's gathering his courage, before replying: “I care about you. Deeply. And I won't take anything from who you are, because who you are right now is what I like.”

Sherlock blinks. Once, twice, three times. He swallows around the knot in his throat, and feels a little bit like he's about to cry.

“I know what I am in for,” John continues with a grin. “The highs and the lows. I won't try to change you, and I will deal with your bad sides as much as I'll enjoy the good ones. Just let me that little bit of space in your life. I'll leave you one as well, and we can keep going as we were. Together.”

Their fingers intertwine. Sherlock isn't certain he understands everything John is saying. It's a lot, sends his brain into overload. But he nods, because he gets the intention still. Sherlock sniffs and smiles like he's won the greatest gift he could ever have.

“Intimacy is only a byproduct of how much I enjoy your company,” John adds, lifts Sherlock's hand, and kisses it.

John is sweet, but he is not completely right. Of course this is going to change Sherlock. Two people fusing are bound to change in their nature, as long as they are together. Sherlock will become less focused on work, more focused on John. He will have to adjust to John's way of life, see more people, become more sociable. He'll have to learn to do small talk, or watch crappy telly. He'll have to, in the little ways that are important to John, become a more human, attentive, caring person. He won't get to be as selfish as he has always been for his own survival.

But, on the other hand, John will have to change too. John already changed. John became sharper, more intuitive, let himself be more adventurous. He's more sarcastic than he once was, maybe a bit more cool and less sentimental. He also agrees to sleep at ungodly hours. He runs around London everywhere with Sherlock, lives in a mess of an appartment. He gets his life threatened every once in a while. And John doesn't seem unhappy, does he?

“Are the wheels in your head turning in my favor?” John asks, his expression the tiniest bit anxious underneath the front he's putting up.

Sherlock smiles. He leans closer, wraps his arms around John's neck. “Of course,” he whispers, and kisses him again.

They only stop a long moment after, when John suggests: “You should take a shower, though.” And Sherlock throws a pillow in his face.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! I've been a big fan of Sherlock for a long time, but I never wrote anything on AO3. I've been terribly bored with quarantine, so I guess that's the opportunity! I don't think I'll get into anything long because I work better with one-shots, but I still hope this little thing will bring you joy as much as it did for me.  
> I'm myself working on a lot of issues linked to intimacy, and I'm playing the scenario and reactions I'd like my next partner to have. It's helping me to understand what I want and need better, and I hope that if you're asking yourself similar questions, you can find something helpful in this!


End file.
